Blank Page

I feel the need for a blank page before the journey begins: an introduction to get into the spirit, then time for a clear mind, for reflection.

This weekend I visited Starkville, home of Mississippi State University. It was my first time back since moving home from my beloved college apartment, and, although I will forever love my hometown, Starkville still feels like home. The anxiety I have been carrying over the last three months melted away as soon as I entered town. I didn't feel homesick anymore. Aaah. The best way I can describe it is the feeling during meditation/relaxation at the conclusion of yoga classes. The instructor leads us through relaxing different muscle groups and the tension melts away from the neck and shoulders... One more time: aah.

Every moment of the trip was wonderful. I was able to dine at six of my favorite restaurants and visit with twenty five friends - not bad for a two and a half day trip. I shared meals with my sorority family, old classmates, and other dear friends. I shopped with my youth minister, chatted with my sorority house mom and read in a rocking chair that overlooked the Drill Field on campus. I was briefed on the Olympics thanks to a great Tivo driver and received the gift of music from a friend who had an extra iPod. I was counseled on how to travel, where to travel and how to accept that some people don't understand the "why" of travel.

One of my favorite parts of the weekend was celebrating mass at St. Joe's and seeing familiar faces. Community is such an integral part of the Catholic church that friends at mass become more like family, youth ministers become second moms, and priests become faithful therapists. I have missed this tons over the last months, and it was very refreshing to be there in the pew, even though I didn't recognize most faces. [Where did all of these kids come from? I'm glad they're at church, but I've only been gone for two months!] I was also asked to serve as Eucharistic Minister, allowing me to feel even more connected.

It has been hard for me to get comfortable at home when I know I will not be here for much longer. It's true that I begin work in July, but I am home for only twelve weeks until then. I plan to continue walking this thin wire while in limbo, and call my priest and youth minister if I start to lose my balance.

Now I am back at home and looking forward to the trips ahead. Tonight I was so excited about this weekend at Seaside, Florida and my Hawaii trip that is just four weeks away, I packed up most of my winter gear and pulled out summer clothes. Yes, I know it will not be warm this weekend, but let a girl dream. Tearing my closet apart and putting it back together let me relax a little bit, too. Part of the limbo feeling involves not having a "spot" for things. Since most of my stuff is packed away, I am unsettled in this huge room.. I can't find a place for each thing, and there are too many spots for stuff. Oxymoronical but true.

All in all, it is nice to rest in a quiet room (albeit large) and a comfortable bed (that's not quite as perfect as my smaller one), even if it is not in Starkville. At least I'm not paying for the electric!